four years of marriage

Tony and I got married on the most beautiful spring day in 2013. April 13th came with 75 degree weather, wide open blue skies and sunshine. It was gorgeous.  But four years? It seems longer than that. We have grown so much during this time, enjoying the good times and learning from the bad ones. I can’t even fathom what 10, 20, 50 years will feel like, should we be blessed with so much time together.

When I look through our wedding pictures, I can’t help but see us as “babies.” Sure it was “only” four years ago, but in many ways, we didn’t have the first clue about life. We knew what we didn’t want for our marriage- and we knew the things that were necessary for our marriage to be a joyful one. We had to have respect for one another. We had to have patience. We had to communicate. We had to trust one another. We had to have intimacy. And above all, we had to believe that God had brought us to each other to be together for the rest of our lives. We didn’t just want to be comfortable. We wanted to be “awesome” at being married. We wanted to each be “happy” always.

I remember having a realization shortly after getting married. “Holy crap.” A little under two years ago, I met a boy at a wedding. We started dating (long distance…) and pretty soon into our relationship we talked about getting married. At one point, we even discussed eloping to Ireland and not doing the whole big expensive wedding thing. And then this boy proposed. And then we planned a big wedding that turned into an amazing time. And then we bought our first home. And then we said “I do” on that beautiful sunny day in April. And I remember thinking to myself- “holy crap! How crazy is it that I met this boy- and now I’m his wife… for…ev…er.”

Honestly, the first year of marriage was straight up work. We knew what was necessary for our marriage, but we didn’t have those things immediately. It took me a while to understand Tony’s career in academia. Having a nursing mindset, I didn’t understand what the urgency was in Tony’s line of work. Why did he have to “work” all night instead of hanging out with me? No one was dying! Why did he have to go to all of these conferences and leave me alone? It seemed to me like these were just opportunities to socialize in different cities. And then I commuted to Chicago for my job, and was gone 3-4 nights at a time. On top of that, we hosted many of our friends for Notre Dame football weekends. There wasn’t much time for us to truly connect and strengthen our very new relationship. It took us a while to find that balance that is essential to nourish a marriage.

Four years later, I truly feel now that we have hit our stride. Yes, there have been tough times, but we are stronger because of them. I think that the four years that we have under our belt have prepared us for our upcoming move and many other changes ahead.

We are planning a bucket list trip to Ireland for July. Why? Because there’s no time like the present. And putting off travel for TTC reasons or financial stability just doesn’t make sense to us anymore. Plus- we freaking deserve it. Tony will defend his dissertation at the end of June- the end of a LONG road to the PhD. He has worked so hard. And we need an adventure desperately. Sure, the upcoming move will be an adventure in and of itself, but we need adventure that is free from responsibility and the stress of moving, starting new jobs etc. We need to feel the Irish Sea breeze, drink some local brews and listen to live music in tiny coastal towns.

We may still have a long road ahead of us yet, but we’ve got a solid 4 years in the books.   And that is something to cherish. Happy Anniversary Tony! Love you more each year!