As the weeks and the winter dragged on, it became almost comical how many girlfriends in my life became pregnant.  Within weeks, even days of my first miscarriage I learned that two very important women in my life were expecting.  Two others were due two months and the month before me.   Four of my closest friends and I were due within months of each other.   I kept picturing what COULD have been.  I COULD have hosted two of them at a Notre Dame tailgate, each of us with newborns in baby carriers strapped to us.   I COULD have enjoyed co-hosting craft club with my good friend as we both…

In the weeks following our first miscarriage, I was an emotional train wreck, and I knew it.  I shared what had happened with a coworker and she immediately recommended that I seek counseling.  She gathered all of the information on our employee assistance offered through our benefits plan and I called that same day.  I was put in touch with an incredibly helpful social worker who has helped me tremendously in my recovery.  I went weekly at first, and as the pain became less fresh, I stretched it out to every other week.  Therapy was and is still, so beneficial for me. Being a nurse, I tend to think medically…

If you do not believe that life begins at conception, you may not appreciate this post. I met a local friend for coffee a week or so after our loss.  I reached out to her when it happened because I knew that she had gone through her own painful journey with miscarriage.  She was amazing.  She listened to me, answered my questions and listened to me some more.  She recommended coming up with a name for the baby we lost in order to pay tribute to its tiny life.   I remember feeling torn at this notion.   To me life begins at conception, but with this miscarriage, all I…

Over the next 48 hours I had more spotting.  On Monday I called my doctor’s office and notified them of my pregnancy.  I spoke with a nurse who reassured me that the spotting was normal and that it wasn’t concerning until I was “saturating a pad.”  Saturating a pad? That seemed like a lot to me.  I had friends who were TTC who were on progesterone supplements and asked if we should check my progesterone level due to the spotting.  If your progesterone level is low, the pregnancy will not survive.   This nurse said that “they don’t do that in this office.” I made my first appointments for 8 and…

2016 began with a snow storm in good old South Bend, Indiana.  It isn’t officially winter here until you are already weeks into being so sick of the cold and snow you that vow to move away before the next winter hits.  In the third week of January, I had some very intense cramping one week before my next cycle was due.  This was yet another sign to me that AF (Aunt Flo) was coming and that 2016 was starting off in disappointing way.  But I was wrong.  These cramps, as I would come to find out were implantation cramps.   I decided that month that I wasn’t going to take…

We talked about having kids many times before our wedding and many times after.  Each time we thought we were “ready,” we came up with reason during date night why it made sense to wait a little longer.  We felt as though we could be more “ready.”  So we waited, and while we waited, we really enjoyed life.  My husband is a little kid at heart.  I am a planner, someone who looks ahead at what is next– so much so that I often miss living in the present moment and enjoying what is going on right in front of me.  Tony grounds me.  I am an excessive documenter of…