My lab results came back as “normal.”  The air quotes are there because a couple of things were on the higher end of “normal.”  My fasting glucose was 100 which is on the higher end of normal, so Dr. C is having me start on Metformin 1x per day with dinner.  It helps me process blood sugar which can help with healthy ovulation among many other functions.  My vitamin B12 was also elevated, and I am only currently taking a prenatal vitamin with a normal dosage of vitamin B12.   The interesting thing about B12 is that an elevated level can identify types of cancer, but it can also mean…

I have been waiting for this day- lab day, for 54 days.  It’s been 54 days since I found out that I would miscarry again.  All I’ve been able to do is wait. If something comes back out of range with my labs, maybe we can treat it or supplement before becoming pregnant again.  If my lab work looks fine, maybe it really was just bad luck that I had two miscarriages back to back.  We’ve had to prevent conception these last 54 days and will continue to prevent until we are given the OK from Dr. C.  It’s been hard to do that, but if I have to be…

Every time I share that I’ve had two miscarriages, I get asked some form of this question.  “So what’s next?” or “What do they think is wrong with you?” The second one feels like a punch to the gut every time. The next “step” I took was to sit down with my doctor (Dr. C.) to discuss our pregnancies and losses.  Tony and I had an appointment two and a half weeks following the drastic drop in my hcg level.  I don’t think many practices have “miscarriage follow up appointments,” but I am blessed to a patient in a practice that sees value in such a thing.   Tony and I…

Part of me died a little after our second miscarriage.  Part of me started to believe that our journey to parenthood would never have a happy ending.  Part of me started to despair, and part of me was just angry.  With one miscarriage, ever so common in first pregnancies, you begin to think that it’s just a fluke.  You begin to think that you are “safe” the next time around because you had your “1 in 4.”   But after two? Your fears take on a whole new level.  The fear that something is “wrong” with your body suddenly holds a little more validity.  The fear that your body won’t know…

On Monday July 18th, I went in and had another hcg level drawn.  I was trying to stay positive despite all of the worry.  I ran a few errands and headed home.  Once I was home, I used the bathroom and there was blood when I wiped.  Not spotting anymore, but blood.  I started to lose it.  Tony happened to be at home working that day and I curled up on the couch beside him, just feeling frantic and out of control.  I refreshed my phone about every five minutes hoping for a new hcg result to post.  Finally, there it was. My level the Friday before was 186. My…

That weekend Tony and I continued to chip away at our #summerbucketlist16.  On it was “dining alfresco.”  We celebrated our 3rd anniversary at The Carriage House in South Bend.  It is an old church, converted into an upscale restaurant that boasts a southern vibe.  In the summer, you can dine outside in their gardens and listen to live music.   We headed there for dinner Saturday night, as the weather was perfect!  We walked the gardens and listened to the guitarist while we waited for our dinners to arrive.  I remember telling Tony, “Maybe it will be okay.  Maybe my level will quadruple on Monday.”  For that weekend, we were…

What is a “rainbow baby?” Google defines a ‘rainbow baby’ as “a baby that is born following a miscarriage, still birth, neonatal death or infant loss. In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives HOPE of things getting better.  The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.” On Monday, 7.11.16, I found out I was pregnant with our rainbow baby.  I drove to the lab, had my hcg and progesterone drawn, picked up my progesterone and headed home to rest, and await test results.  My amazing doctor’s office called me that afternoon with my levels.  My first hcg was 57.…

While I was in Dallas actively practicing the struggle of letting go, I came to the conclusion that there was one thing that I was still worrying about.   I wasn’t happy with my OBGYN practice.  They didn’t believe in checking my progesterone level despite my mother’s history of needing progesterone and my first miscarriage.  I had heard and seen many good things about another physician who delivers at my hospital and decided to call to get an appointment.  This physician belongs to a small practice of wonderful people who desire to treat the entire being-not just the uterus, as they believe that nutrition, stress management, exercise and desire to…

I vowed to give up the fertility charting and I did.  In May we traveled home (I still call it that) to visit my mom and sister and attend our third of four weddings in 2 months.  My mom has this super cozy, yet spacious ranch that she moved into while I was beginning college.  That’s been my home away from home for over 10 years now, and I always love going home for a visit.  She has this amazing pool that has always been a place of profound life planning, from relationships, to college majors, to friendships, to trip planning.  The pool has also been a place of margarita…

March and April proved to be be a different kind of difficult for me.  I was starting the very slow process of feeling more myself each day, but I became obsessed with getting pregnant again.  At the end of February,  I downloaded two fertility tracking apps.  Remember that Baby C. 1.0 was conceived without ovulation sticks, basal body temperature taking (BBT) or other methods of fertility tracking.  When my cycle returned 32 days after my miscarriage, I was thrilled! There was so much worry and anxiety regarding how long it would take for my body to go back to normal again.  It was invigorating to think that we could try again…