It is intricately linked with gratitude. To feel true joy, we must remember to have a grateful heart. How many times during this time of year do we hear the words JOY, PEACE, BELIEVE. The phrase “BE MERRY” is printed on cocktail napkins, gift bags and greeting cards. But how many of us actually are able to feel true JOY throughout the holiday season? For many it is a season of financial stress, over stimulation and endless social engagements. For some, It is a season that reminds us of what we do not have. We know that we should BE MERRY and full of JOY, but sometimes that is not…

“Let there be peace on Earth And let it begin with me.”  -Vince Gill I posted a while back about the Chicago Cubs representing a new found belief in miracles and hope. And then I had a really rough couple of weeks. Nothing bad happened that I can put my finger on, except that our hope that we conceived a “World Series baby” was dashed by a single pink line in mid November. Tony was there this time when I tested and had nothing but optimism and compassion for me when the tears came. I thought a lot about gratitude over Thanksgiving week. I felt so blessed to be able…

I wanted to write this post during the middle of the post-season playoffs, but I found myself too nervous to jinx the Cubs’ chances of making history!  I grew up watching the Cubbies and was lucky enough to make it to a few games at the magical “friendly confines” of Wrigley Field before we moved to Texas in 2001. My grandfather was a huge Cubs fan, and I remember spending hours in front of the TV with my grandpa and my dad, learning all there is to know about baseball.  Some people find baseball tiresome to watch, but there was something about the Cubs that kept me, and millions of…

I’ve learned in these past months that if you try ignore an emotion, feeling or thought, it comes back around in full force. Science tells us that anxiety triggers a release of stress hormone, called cortisol which raises blood pressure, heart rate and sometimes releases adrenaline. When you try ignore a scary thought or reality, your brain sends another message to your stress response system and sends out a stronger wave of cortisol in the attempt to get you to pay attention. Ignore it again, and you will face a stronger wave and so on. This is how a worrisome thought can lead to a panic attack. I’ve had my moments…

There are no words, but I will try. The feelings that I had upon making my private struggle public, left me speechless.  Last Saturday I hit “post” and “share” and immediately felt a wave of emotions overcome me.  I felt sick to my stomach, dizzy, shaky and hung on tight as a roller coaster of adrenaline swept over me. Back when I started writing for my own healing and understanding, I had always planned on sharing my blog eventually through Instagram.  I wanted to help my family and friends understand my point of view.  Instagram is my social media of choice nowadays, but Facebook is another story. When Facebook first came out when…

“How very quietly you tiptoed into our world, silently, only a moment you stayed. But what an imprint your footprints have left upon our hearts.”  -Unknown. This post is dedicated to all parents who have experienced the earth-shattering heartache that is pregnancy and infant loss,  to the millions of women who are longing to hold a “rainbow baby” in their arms, to the couples who struggle to find peace and understanding within their relationship after loss, and to those tiny little babies who leave this world much too soon.    I am opening up today to bring awareness to this often silent grief that plagues so many women.   I…

“It is not joy that makes us grateful, it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” -David Steindl-Rast. How easy it is for us to long for something we do not have.  In a world of social media and commercials, we are bombarded by glimpses of what others possess,  Often the very first thing we do upon waking is check social media.  We might see a new car, remodeled house, skinnier body, designer hand bag, baby bump, clearer skin, luxurious vacation photos, and the list goes on.  We live in a world of air brushing and apps that whiten your selfie smiles.  We are hyper-critical of others and ourselves, often longing for our…

“But no one could tell me that- the problem with infertility is that it is not a patient, serene kind of waiting, not a simple delay in your plans; it happens for many of us in the context of consuming struggle, staggering expense, devastating loss.  It’s sometimes years of trying and failing, which erodes any feelings of confidence or anticipation of a positive outcome.”  –The Art of Waiting, Belle Boggs. When I reconnected with my breaking point last week, I knew that I needed a change.  After the first miscarriage, I wanted to get away- far away to a sandy beach somewhere.   After finding the Calm app, and religiously practicing…

I have been experiencing a second wave of grief these last few weeks.   It seemed to begin a few weeks ago at work when I broke down crying in the bathroom after a mother of my patient was given horrible news.   Hearing the gut wrenching wail that came out of her mouth reminded me my own feelings of despair, helplessness, frustration, anger and loss.   Since then, it has been as if the floodgates have opened and the tears are always welling up in the back of my eyes, waiting to overfill and fall at a moment’s notice.  I knew today, September 29th, would be hard.   I…