Is this my first Mother’s Day? Yes. But no. Fiona made me a mother this year in the sense that I can physically hold her, comfort her and nurture her. I can respond to her cries, dry her tears and kiss her incredibly smooth cheeks. But this year I am really a mother five times over. What? Those two little babes gone too soon made me a mother in 2016. And let’s not forget my two spoiled rotten fur babies who made me a mother in 2013 and 2017. Mother’s Day has been painful for the last few years. Church was a place I came to avoid on Mother’s Day…

It was a gorgeous 74 degree sunny spring day in Kansas City.  We were scheduled for an 8pm induction at the hospital and I was determined to make the most of my day at home.  I took my exercise ball and some light weights outside and enjoyed soaking up some Vitamin D.  I felt very calm that day- praying and leaning on the bunches of good luck texts from loved ones. (Thanks everyone!) When Tony got home from work I prepped a light meal as instructed and we passed the time by rewatching some episodes of New Girl,   just the four of us.  At 5:45pm the hospital called and…

So while we were on our “we’re not pregnant so why not?” vacation in Ireland, we stopped in a bookstore to search for a souvenir for our nephews.   Tony picked up a book called A Dublin Fairytale and we browsed through it.  It was about a little girl named Fiona.   I looked up at Tony and said, “if we ever have a baby someday, and she happens to be a girl, I kind of like this name.”  Tony agreed. 2 days later I was officially “late,” bought a test and it was positive.  That day we said again, “if it is a girl, we should name her Fiona.” At 14…

Induction. You probably have strong feelings about it. Whether it’s fear, dread, acceptance, embrace etc., it is a word that many women do NOT want to hear at the end of their pregnancy. Why? “Inductions lead to a higher C-section rate.” “Inductions are unnatural.” “Inductions force your baby to come out before they are ready.” But are these statements actual facts? Or opinions? In trying to become pregnant or being pregnant in the last 2.5 years, I’ve learned that there are too many topics in pregnancy and motherhood that separate us into monumentally different camps. The exclusive breastfeeding/pumping camp vs. the formula feeding camp. The sleep training camp vs. the co-sleeping…

Holy moly.  It’s March! I can hardly believe that it’s here, and yet this baby’s delivery day can’t come soon enough! Baby girl is officially “term” at 37+ weeks and this momma is getting antsy.  Baby C. has looked great on ultrasounds and her non-stress tests (minus the one incident below…) and my blood sugars have all been within the normal range (even with my birthday treat!)  These last few weeks are going to be a challenge for me.  Her room is ready, our hospital bags are mostly packed, our car seat is installed, clothes are washed etc.  Mentally, I feel spent.  I was doing SO well keeping my NICU nurse anxiety at…

“Hello third trimester, and goodbye toes,” is the saying.  For me, it’s more like “welcome back mood swings” instead. I mean don’t get me wrong, the toes are LONG gone, but “all the feels” doesn’t even begin to cover it. 12 weeks… (5.5  as I’m actually writing this) until we meet our rainbow baby.  One who we have “fought and prayed for.”  Will it really be as amazing as we hoped it would be?  Will the struggle of TTC and the heartache of infertility help us to push past the sleepless nights and periods of baby girl’s crying?  Or will we feel like “normal” parents who are sent home from…

What. A. Year.  2017 has FLOWN by. To give this post perspective I read my “goodbye 2016” post again, and recommend that you do the same if your heart is currently longing for that pregnant belly. http://hopemeetsjoy.com/index.php/2017/01/02/goodbye2016 I welcomed 2017 with a hopeful, yet weary heart.  I felt that so many decisions were in my hands in terms of pursuing fertility testing in the remaining months with the OB practice that I trusted.  In the end, in the months of January – April, I chose to take clomid, and have follicle study ultrasounds done each month learning how “ready” my follicles looked for ovulation.  In March and April, I had Tony give…

week 20: babygirl is the size of a banana! Anatomy ultrasound goes off without a hitch and our girl is beautiful! Thank God! week 21: babygirl is the size of a baby bok choy? Hmmmmm google: what is a baby bok choy?  This week we drove home to Indiana/Chicago to visit family and friends and attend a wedding for a long weekend.  We broke up the 9 hour drive on the way down, but did it in a straight shot on the way back.  It was already uncomfortable for me to be in the car for that long, but so very worth it to see so many lovely friends and…

  Tony took a half day off from work to make sure that he was available for our anatomy ultrasound at 20 weeks.  I am always more relaxed and optimistic when he is by my side, so I was feeling pretty good going into our appointment.  The scan was first.  I can’t even begin to put into words what it was like to see our baby girl moving and kicking.  Her sweet little profile, button nose and beautiful little lips were clear as day, and as reassuring as her beating little heart.  Tony had a firm hold of my hand as I began to pose the series of questions that…

14 weeks.  What a milestone.   I remember thinking, “if I can just make it until 10 weeks… then 12… then 14… then 16… maybe this baby has a chance.”  My new doctor’s office was nice enough to let me come in for a Doppler heart rate check every 2 weeks, with the understanding that if I needed to come in weekly or was just feeling anxious, all I had to do was call and come in. 14 weeks: baby is the size of a “brilliant beet” or a My Little Pony.  At 14 weeks and 5 days Tony and I set up our tripod in our backyard and rigged our cell…