Holy moly. It’s March!
I can hardly believe that it’s here, and yet this baby’s delivery day can’t come soon enough! Baby girl is officially “term” at 37+ weeks and this momma is getting antsy. Baby C. has looked great on ultrasounds and her non-stress tests (minus the one incident below…) and my blood sugars have all been within the normal range (even with my birthday treat!) These last few weeks are going to be a challenge for me. Her room is ready, our hospital bags are mostly packed, our car seat is installed, clothes are washed etc. Mentally, I feel spent. I was doing SO well keeping my NICU nurse anxiety at bay, but this week challenged me in many ways, and I have to admit that I didn’t meet that challenge very well.
The good:
On February 11th, my mom, sister and good friend threw us a rainbow themed baby shower. I’ll let the pictures do most of the talking but I was blown away by the creativity and detail involved in making such a special tribute to the journey we have been on! My sister baked and decorated all of the cupcakes (s’mores and raspberry almond funfetti) and almond sugar cookies and my mom helped make lemon cake balls! Add those to the super cute rainbow photo backdrop and it was incredibly memorable.
2/24: Our first date night since summer. Yes… it’s true. We have been trying to save money and only go out to eat when friends and family are in town to visit. So for my 31st birthday, we headed to The Oliver for some insanely good food and celebration. It was our first in a long time, and quite possibly our last for a long time too!
2/25: The nursery and “baby-stations” are ready! We spent the day after my birthday pulling things out of boxes in our garage. Tony installed our car seat, put together our stroller and put together our pack and play/changing station/bassinet that we plan to have in our main entertainment room. I’ve done some DIY projects including a crib skirt, flower mobile, rocking chair cushion cover, and a couple of pieces for the wall.
The not so good:
2/26: 36+6 weeks. During my most recent biophysical profile baby looked great, although I was very uncomfortable with the amount of pushing that the sonographer had to do on my super tight belly to be able to see everything that she needed to see. I remember feeling sore in the waiting room as I waited to go back for my NST. When I got hooked up a few minutes later to the heart rate monitor, my eyes got huge. Baby girl’s heart rate was at a baseline of 180-190 and stayed that high for several minutes. I tried laying on my side, laying on my other side, sitting up more, laying down more and nothing worked. She was ticked about something in the place that she is supposed to be the most comfortable in. She was moving like CRAZY this whole time. After 45 minutes of this the NST tech told me that she would consult my doctor about the heart rate strip and told me that I might have to go for further monitoring at the hospital. While she was out of the room I tried talking to my belly, massaging, humming and nothing worked. I was a bit panicked. When I think of fetal tachycardia, my mind goes to the worst case scenarios- anemia, infection, pain, dehydration, heart arrhythmias etc. I had some reassurance that her heart rate had JUST been normal during her ultrasound not even 45 minutes prior- and I had seen that all was well in there. But why was she so tachycardic then? We decided that I should go to the hospital for further monitoring, if nothing more for my own peace of mind. My doctor and the NST tech said that they were not worried, but they knew that I was. They kept saying that her heart rate had amazing variability, and if she was in trouble she wouldn’t have that. The tech also told me that I could schedule another NST for later on in the week to make sure she was still OK. I immediately took her up on scheduling that and then headed to the hospital. I half expected that when I got to triage and got hooked up to the monitor that her heartrate would be normal again. After walking to my car, walking into the hospital etc that she would be back to her comfy little self. But she was still tachycardic and moving like a ninja. After another 45 minutes of stressing me out, her heart rate finally returned to baseline. I got to see that for another 20 minutes or so and then I was told that two OB’s had reviewed the hospital strip and were happy with how she looked. Again, they said that she has great variability. So I went home, sat outside on a gorgeous 60 degree, sunny day and tried to put my fears to rest.
2/28: 37+1 weeks. I did not sleep well after that NST incident and working all night later that night. The following evening when I was off work I felt my anxiety rising. I 100% blame the combo of hormones and sleep deprivation but I ended up having heart palpitations as I tried to lay down and sleep. They didn’t last long but I had half a mind to go back to the hospital for that reason alone. Finally, I slept my usual hour here, rotate positions because of achy hips, an hour of sleep there, get up to pee, an hour of sleep here etc. Around 8:30 on this particular morning I became conscious that I changed from side to side, I didn’t notice her usual movements in response. I moved from side to side, and she didn’t move still. I sat up and poked various parts of my belly, then shook it, then jumped up and down. Nothing. I panicked that my heart palpitations had been more than just anxiety and that I had thrown some kind of clot, and my little girl had passed away overnight. I started thinking of what clothes to throw on to go to the hospital in and then I felt it- the tiniest little flutter. Then another. I laid down on my left side and felt her kick. I started crying. Why do I always assume the worst? Yes, I know FAR too much about pregnancy complications and emergencies, but it goes beyond that. Why do I doubt my body? It hasn’t failed me yet during this pregnancy, but it has before. I dealt with a lot of body shaming and guilt after my two miscarriages and during a year of infertility.
The thing that scared me the most though about the not so good– was how utterly in love I am with this baby already. The two times this week that she has scared me have left me feeling like I absolutely couldn’t live without her. I love her fiery personality. I love that like her father, she hates when she gets the hiccups. She either loves or hates Bruno Mars (her movements don’t specify if they are angry or happy when he comes on.) I love that we first learned about her in Ireland on our magical summer vacation. I love that her father is incredibly excited to meet her, and I love that so many friends and family are too.
So baby girl, as we are officially in your birth month- the month of all that is green, irish, our engagement anniversary and spring – please continue to be healthy and hang in there with me. I am absolutely dying to meet your little term self- so come on out whenever! We are ready for you!
