the third trimester so far…

“Hello third trimester, and goodbye toes,” is the saying.  For me, it’s more like “welcome back mood swings” instead. I mean don’t get me wrong, the toes are LONG gone, but “all the feels” doesn’t even begin to cover it.

12 weeks… (5.5  as I’m actually writing this) until we meet our rainbow baby.  One who we have “fought and prayed for.”  Will it really be as amazing as we hoped it would be?  Will the struggle of TTC and the heartache of infertility help us to push past the sleepless nights and periods of baby girl’s crying?  Or will we feel like “normal” parents who are sent home from the hospital with a baby and have a moment where they wonder, “what have we done?” “How can WE be responsible for this little life?”  “Will we ever feel “normal” again?”

 

Our friends and family have been incredibly generous with gifts.  As more and more baby items arrive on our doorstep, I can’t help but simultaneously feel excitement and unease.  The anxious moments that plague my NICU nurse brain every now and then has made it hard to get the nursery set up just yet.  I’m 34 weeks as I write this- 6 weeks into the third trimester, and so much has happened!

Christmas was lovely, quiet and white.  We opened any baby gifts that came around that time on Christmas evening and read baby girl a few of her new books.  On January 12th we traveled to Chicago for two baby showers.  The drive at 30 weeks was surprisingly easier than I thought it would be and we arrived safely to a cold, snowy Chicago.

January 13th was our bar shower at George Street Pub in Chicago with approximately 50 good friends.  It could ONLY have been more fun if I was able to have a hoppy beer.  You could literally feel the love in that bar and it felt amazing.  The next day we were showered again by Tony’s family at his sister-in-law’s house.  A huge pink candy bar was the highlight, as well as having our nephews help us open our gifts.  It was a wonderful time as well.  We drove home the next day, our car full of gifts and our hearts full of joy.

Baby girl looked great on her “size” ultrasound at 30 weeks.  It took flipping on my side and a lot of pushing with the ultrasound wand, but we got another profile shot of her.  I learned that she continues to measure right on track for my due date of March 20th, right at the 50th percentile.

And then I met with my doctor next and was informed that I “failed” the 1 hour glucose screening pretty significantly.  Back in my TTC days I was started on Metformin for some insulin resistance noted on my fasting wellness lab work.  I have continued to take it during this pregnancy as I saw no real reason to stop anything that was working for me.  Prior to my 1 hour glucose test, I fasted as well.  I was told that I COULD eat, but I literally woke up that morning, chugged the sugary grossness and headed into my OB’s office to have my blood drawn at exactly 1 hour after drinking.  That morning I couldn’t find my keys ANYWHERE.   After tearing the house apart, I ended up taking a Lyft to my appointment and felt a surge of stress as I had my blood drawn.

Normal was a blood sugar under 140.  Mine was 174- with Metformin on board and with a completely empty stomach.  I took in the information and scheduled my 3 hour glucose challenge with the lab tech.  It was nearly impossible to work around traveling out of town for two of our baby showers and my night shift schedule, but we found a day nearly 2 weeks later. And then I got home, and BAWLED my eyes out.   I felt guilt, uncertainty and images of a giant, “fluffy” diabetic rainbow baby began to fill my brain.

But as sleep often does for me, I felt differently the next morning as I woke up. Maybe this was a gift- a blessing that I might know more about what foods fuel my body and which ones cause it harm.  I’ve tried to eat healthy during this pregnancy (first trimester aside) and with everything I had been taught, that meant low low low low carb, high protein and high fats.

When I met with my dietician the following week, my mind was BLOWN. Everything that I learned with my last OB about how and when to eat to combat insulin resistance is apparently not good enough during pregnancy.  She wanted me to “carb load” as I saw it. WHAT? I thought carbs = sugar = “no-no” for pregnancy, especially one with gestational diabetes.  It literally blew my mind. I also haven’t been eating often enough throughout the day.  She told me to eat 3 meals per day with 3 snacks, including eating something right before bed. (Another healthy eating no-no, am I right?)

Still, I tried to keep an open mind. And then I did some research.  Carbohydrates ARE the body’s preferred energy source. And during pregnancy, carbs are important.  So for 5 days now, I’ve added quinoa or black beans to my salads. I stopped feeling guilty about my occasional skinny pop indulgences.  I cut my 3 eggs in the morning down to 2 eggs and added… wait for it… a slice of bread! (This is weird.) And each time I poke my finger I hold my breath and I’m surprised that they are in range.  My fasting morning blood sugar remains to be on the higher side of normal.  Why? My guess is cortisol.  I have a noticeable surge in brain “worrying/thinking about the day’s to- do list” when I wake up.  Because of it I usually can’t go back to sleep or “snooze” through an alarm ever.

The following week I met with an endocrinologist who reviewed my blood sugars and praised me overall.   She did recommend that due to my night shift schedule that I increase my Metformin to twice/day or every 12 hours or so to combat the constant change in my eating and sleeping schedule.  I haven’t seen a HUGE difference, but my blood sugars might be even slightly better now.  Overall, I can’t complain.   4 finger pricks per day is not awful.  And eating wise, I can’t fit a lot in my stomach at one time anymore, so the smaller frequent meals are helping a lot with the discomfort of not being able to breathe after a meal.

Baby girl continues to be very active.  My OB’s gestational diabetes protocol is to monitor me very closely with WEEKLY biophysical profiles (ultrasounds with tasks that the baby must complete) and non-stress tests (30 minutes of monitoring baby’s heart rate with me at rest and making sure that her heart rate accelerates on its own when she moves.)   So I have seen baby girl at 30 weeks, 32 weeks and 33 weeks so far.   It is THRILLING.  At my 30 week ultrasound she was measuring exactly in the 50th percentile and not showing any signs of my high blood sugars affecting her growth.  We will do weekly ultrasounds until delivery, and every 4th week she will be measured to make sure that she isn’t getting too big.   If she starts to measure on the big side, we will plan for an induction around 39 weeks.

At our 33 week ultrasound we got to see her little face in 3D! I about lost it, just seeing her sweet little face made me long for her due date.  I absolutely cannot wait to meet this baby girl!

We had our childbirth prep class this past weekend, and I surprisingly learned a lot.  It’s been 7 years since nursing school labor and delivery education and it was really good to refresh the stages of labor, when to come to the hospital etc.  We talked a lot about birth plans.  My birth plan?  Whatever is necessary to get baby girl out safely- unless that something is a vacuum.  No vacuum period.  I think Tony really enjoyed learning about the process, and although he plans to be a “north sider” (staying up by my head and not looking at the scary/awesome miracle of baby girl being born) he learned many things that he CAN do for me during that time.  When I thought I was experiencing Braxton-Hicks a few days ago, he asked me if I needed to “lay down on my left side and drink 2 glasses of water?”  Someone was paying attention in class!

34 weeks brings another BPP ultrasound (this one was another size one!) and non-stress test.  It also brings my mom and sister from Texas into town for a visit for our last baby shower! The theme? Rainbows.  I can’t wait to see what they’ve come up with!

OH. I forgot to mention the nesting.  FULL force.  The baby’s room is coming together and we are starting to feel SOMEWHAT ready! Once we had our two January showers, I found myself in a frenzy of “putting the gifts away…” i.e. setting up her room. The piece in the picture above has been in Tony’s family for years. It was serving as my dresser which I had painted a charcoal gray nearly 5 years ago.  This Tiffany Blue color makes me so happy!  The diaper storage cart was a Target find, inspired by Pinterest, and it was a steal for $29! We plan to use the dresser as a changing station once we get our diaper changing pad.  Under 6 weeks to go! I can hardly believe it!

 

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