What. A. Year. 2017 has FLOWN by.
To give this post perspective I read my “goodbye 2016” post again, and recommend that you do the same if your heart is currently longing for that pregnant belly. http://hopemeetsjoy.com/index.php/2017/01/02/goodbye2016
I welcomed 2017 with a hopeful, yet weary heart. I felt that so many decisions were in my hands in terms of pursuing fertility testing in the remaining months with the OB practice that I trusted. In the end, in the months of January – April, I chose to take clomid, and have follicle study ultrasounds done each month learning how “ready” my follicles looked for ovulation. In March and April, I had Tony give me a “trigger shot” to force ovulation on a given day when my follicles looked ready. When that failed, I prepared myself for an exploratory laprascopic surgery to search for endometriosis. With two early miscarriages, I suspected an implantation problem more than a conception one. So on May 17th I had that surgery, and endometriosis was officially diagnosed and removed. After recovery I felt some sense of peace, and came to the conclusion that I couldn’t live my life month to month anymore. I had the choice to do one more month of clomid and follicle studies before we moved and I decided to not do it. I felt burned out and already felt so much stress in preparing for our move and supporting Tony as he defended his dissertation. June was a happy month, free of ovulation predictors, “timed intercourse,” follicle stimulating drugs and the crazy hormones that came with them. We soaked up as much of our friends and family in South Bend and Chicago in our final month there and then geared up for our big vacation to Ireland.
And in that magical land of leprechauns, Guinness and all things green, I took my first positive pregnancy test in 12 months. I hoped beyond all hope that this pregnancy would be different than our last two. I couldn’t help but feel that “the luck of the Irish” might just help us pull through this time. When we flew home I immediately got labs drawn and began heparin injections 2x/day. And two days later we moved to Kansas City, started new jobs, and built a new life together.
And as 2017 came to an end I can’t help but sit here in awe of how much one year makes a difference. As I type this, my baby girl is kicking and moving inside of me- all 7 months of her beautiful, rainbow baby self. We are beginning to get the nursery ready and are about to have our first baby shower. The old me, who obsessed month to month about getting pregnant? She’s still there but is deeply buried.
Does the rest of pregnancy make me worried? Sure. There’s a million and one things that could still go wrong.
Does labor intimidate me? Absolutely. It is an equally terrifying and mesmerizing entity.
Can I meet my rainbow baby without pushing through these last few months, as scary as they may seem some days? Nope.
And what if… everything ends up being okay? How amazing would that reality be?
Dear 2018, you are about to rock our world and life as we know it. Those quiet nights with Tony and our two pups will be a little less quiet. My love of random trips to Hobby Lobby for some quiet inspiration might not happen as frequently. Crafternoons? More like NAPternoons. My desire to keep my house looking a certain way? That I should probably start giving up a little bit now. Life will be very different, but it’s a different that we opened our hearts up to, and prayed for years to come to know.
So thank you, 2017- you did a superb job of kicking 2016’s keester. And to 2018? I stand here welcoming you with open arms. May we all have a year full of renewed HOPE in which our dreams become realities, and a JOY that restores our spirits. Trust that no matter how painful your current storm might be, there is always the potential for an entirely new reality by next year.
