I used to refer to those who conceived easily as “the LUCKY ones.” I can’t even begin to count how many friends I know of who “just tried once” or “weren’t even trying” who went on to have a pregnancy without complications. Couples who never had to know the fear that something might be wrong. Couples who didn’t hesitate to post a big announcement on social media, because why would they? Positive pregnancy test = automatic baby 9 months later, right? Couples who didn’t have to deal with monthly disappointment after giving it their all yet again. Couples who didn’t have to plan their month around the “fertile window.” I used to automatically think of those people as being “the LUCKY ones.”
When we first conceived after only 3 months of trying, I used that word. Tony was excited, but surprised. We both knew that it could take a while, and three months of TTC was not bad at all. I remember feeling LUCKY that our journey to parenthood was taking off in the right direction. And he did too. But then the spotting began, followed by the heartache. And by the end of that month, I was feeling anything but lucky.
Fast forward to mid March of the following year, and we find ourselves seeming to be no closer to parenthood than we were when we first started. We still don’t have answers- only a myriad of speculations. And we are tired of letting this control our lives. To say that it has caused strain in our marriage is a vast understatement. Do we have to put in hard work every day to be able to cope with this? Absolutely. Are there days when we feel incredibly frustrated with each other, and with this “journey?” Absolutely. Are there moments still where we feel defeated? Yes. But in this period of 16 months, I know that we have grown in faith. We have grown in our understanding of each other. We have grown in empathy. I believe that we have a deeper connection to each other than we would have had if we had been one of the LUCKY ones.
With all of the change coming up in our lives, I’ve started to adopt a new mantra: “I’m living someone else’s dream.” Somewhere there are couples who dream about weeding through their possessions, packing up their lives and moving across the country. Somewhere there are couples who conceived “easily” who might feel cheated from having more time to grow in their relationship before their baby arrived. Somewhere there are moms who might resent their current daily routine because it is so much harder than they ever could have imagined. They long for “crafternoons,” hot morning coffee, the relief of a long, warm shower, the ability to dress up for “date night” without having to worry about who is watching their children while they are gone, the luxury of a solo shopping trip to the store, the ability to be able to get on a plane and go anywhere, leaving responsibility behind. Somewhere there are couples struggling with infertility who have never being able to conceive. They might call me LUCKY in that I have been able to get pregnant. Somewhere there are partners who have lost their loved one- someone who they dreamed of spending their entire lives with, who are longing to have their companionship back above all else. Somewhere there are single people looking for “the one” so they can begin their “journey to parenthood.”
What does all of this mean? Heaven only knows. But maybe in each of our own individual circumstances, there is a bit of luck peeking through the grit. Someone, somewhere thinks that YOU are one of the LUCKY ones. It’s easy to get buried under our own individual struggles, our vision tunneling and focusing on what we do not have. But how LUCKY are we to be living the life that others dream of?
That- is L U C K Y.
