“Let there be peace on Earth
And let it begin with me.”
-Vince Gill
I posted a while back about the Chicago Cubs representing a new found belief in miracles and hope. And then I had a really rough couple of weeks. Nothing bad happened that I can put my finger on, except that our hope that we conceived a “World Series baby” was dashed by a single pink line in mid November. Tony was there this time when I tested and had nothing but optimism and compassion for me when the tears came.
I thought a lot about gratitude over Thanksgiving week. I felt so blessed to be able to take a week off from work to travel to Texas and practice mindfulness in 70 degree weather by my mom’s pool. And then that visit was hard and left me wanting more, my soul feeling restless and drained.
There is a lot of change coming up for the Cunninghams. Tony has applied to 16 internship sites for next year and is currently waiting to hear yeses or no’s inviting him to interview in person. We have narrowed down the cities to Kansas City, Chicago, Dallas and Columbus. Sometime in the summer of 2017, we will be leaving our sweet little DIY filled home with my backyard oasis and moving on to another part of the country with a potentially very different way of life. I will begin yet another NICU job or enter the scary, yet rewarding realm of travel nursing. We will be leaving my amazing OBGYN practice without being able to have them deliver our first baby. We will move, and leave all that we know and find comfort in currently, without our first child.
On February 17, 2017 at 10:00 a.m., Tony will get an email telling us where we will spend the our next year. Until then we wait. Waiting has been so hard this year. And there is still so much more waiting to come.
I’ve thought a lot lately about what I want my life to look like. Years from now, what will I think of this time when I look back on it? Will I regret not living life with a little more exuberance? Will I regret how much time I spent thinking about how to increase my chances of fertility during these years? Will I think that I should have spent more time appreciating Tony?
After we lost the second baby in July, I remember telling Tony that I just wanted to feel content with my life no matter what happened in the baby department. I wanted to be happy and feel fulfilled in our marriage and in my faith no matter what was to come. I still want that- more than anything. The word for this? P E A C E.
I desire to have more P E A C E in my life during this time of waiting.
A sweet friend, who has also walked a similar journey, messaged me that she would pray for me to have patience and peace during this time of year. It brought tears to my eyes and inspired this post. The next day I was reading my daily excerpt from Jesus Calling and couldn’t believe its contents.
“You need my p e a c e each moment to accomplish My purposes in your life. Sometimes you are tempted to take shortcuts in order to reach your goal as quickly as possible. But if the shortcuts require you to turn your back on My peaceful presence, you must choose the longer route. Walk with me along the paths of P e a c e; enjoy the journey in My Presence. ” –Sarah Young
May the beginning of this holiday season bring you p e a c e, during whatever journey you find yourself on this year.
