gratitude

“It is not joy that makes us grateful, it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” -David Steindl-Rast.

How easy it is for us to long for something we do not have.  In a world of social media and commercials, we are bombarded by glimpses of what others possess,  Often the very first thing we do upon waking is check social media.  We might see a new car, remodeled house, skinnier body, designer hand bag, baby bump, clearer skin, luxurious vacation photos, and the list goes on.  We live in a world of air brushing and apps that whiten your selfie smiles.  We are hyper-critical of others and ourselves, often longing for our circumstances or statuses to be better than they are.

This type of thought makes you question your life.   It makes you want more than what you have.  It makes you jealous, self-seeking, and anxious.  How many times have I gone down into the “social media black hole, ” as I call it, only to have wasted 30+ minutes of my time and come out feeling “less than.”

At this point in my life, my news feed is FULL of baby bumps and happy, healthy, chunky little babies.  I literally opened Facebook one night and 4 out of the first 5 posts I saw were pregnancy announcements, bump pictures or babies.   I had to laugh, but just for a moment, I felt “less than.” For others, it might be that incredibly massive, sparkling diamond ring that makes them feel like they are the only person in the world who is waiting to meet “the one.”

When I desperately needed a new perspective last week, I realized that my soul craved a little less longing and a lot more gratitude.  When you stop longing and start appreciating, you can elevate your mood. In my mindfulness training through the Calm app, gratitude has stood out to me in a time of need. Tamara Levitt says in The 7 days of Gratitude, “if people realized that gratitude was kind of like a superpower, strengthening immunity, enhancing optimism and unlocking happiness, they’d probably practice it a whole lot more.”

Pinterest inspires me each fall to come up with a list of things for which I am thankful.  But once per year is not enough.  I’ve learned that Gratitude must be practiced daily.  I have days when I wake up and just feel sad and overwhelmed, and I have days where I feel incredibly hopeful and full of life.  But no matter how I feel upon waking, I have found that it is essential to make time to be grateful each day.  Being a nurse, I know how fragile life is.  Yet some days I feel the weight of the healthcare system on my shoulders.  I see struggle, hardship, and devastation, as well as HOPE, warmth and JOY. 

Practicing gratitude forces you to live in the PRESENT, and not in the future with theoretical babies, unknown circumstances, or untold events.   Gratitude enables  you to stay grounded, knowing that whatever the day brings, you can handle it.  Back when I started therapy in February, I became aware of how often I tried to look into the future and control what I could not see, or project my fears of “what if?” All that did for me was keep me spinning in a circle of anxiety, fear and depression.  My therapist let me vent for a while and then would interrupt me when I referred to my future and would bring me back to NOW.  Now is where I have some semblance of power.  I have some control of my happiness in the present.  In the present, I can focus on the gratitude that is buried at times within my soul.  And this lifts me- making me feel that for this moment, for today, I am okay.  And I am not “less than” because of what I do not have.