2016 began with a snow storm in good old South Bend, Indiana. It isn’t officially winter here until you are already weeks into being so sick of the cold and snow you that vow to move away before the next winter hits. In the third week of January, I had some very intense cramping one week before my next cycle was due. This was yet another sign to me that AF (Aunt Flo) was coming and that 2016 was starting off in disappointing way. But I was wrong. These cramps, as I would come to find out were implantation cramps. I decided that month that I wasn’t going to take a pregnancy test until I was late, and by late I meant more than 2 days late. I had been late in November and I wasn’t pregnant then. On January 28th, 2016 I was officially 3 days late and feeling incredibly hopeful. But after a stressful work shift In the NICU, I found that I had started spotting. Are you kidding me, AF? Is this me starting my cycle 3 days late? I had to know. After I got home from work that night I found Tony prepping dinner in the kitchen. I made an excuse about picking out different pajamas to put on and ran to our upstairs bathroom to take a test. I waited the appropriate amount of time, and knelt down on my knees. I prayed that it would be positive, and that if it wasn’t, that I would have the strength to understand. I took a deep breath and looked at the test. It was one of those fancier digital ones that was supposed to read “yes” or “no.” To my surprise and joy, the test said “YES.” I remember smiling from ear to ear, tearing up and covering my mouth as I let out a little squeal. We got our BFP! (That’s Big, Fat, Positive.) It was all I could do to not run downstairs and tell Tony. But I wanted to tell him Pinterest style. I wanted him to remember this moment forever. So I literally bit the inside of my lip hard most of that evening to keep myself from smiling all night. WE WERE PREGNANT! The next day on my lunch break at work I scoured the internet for “cute ways to tell your husband you are pregnant” and “unique ways of telling your husband you are pregnant.” Did I have the patience to order a custom fortune cookie and take him out for a chinese dinner? No. He would figure it out before then. I could fill the house with pink and blue balloons when he came home? But how safe is it for a pregnant woman to blow up a ton of balloons by herself? Some of our closest friends and we decided that if Notre Dame won the National Championship game versus Alabama, that we would name our kids “Champ,” “Ian” and “Chip.” Tony and I called dibs on “Chip.” Luckily for our children’s sake, Notre Dame did not win that game, but it got me thinking. Later on that day at work I experienced some spotting again. What was this? I spent the better part of the rest of my googling “spotting in early pregnancy.” This was my first exposure to the thousands of message boards out there in cyberspace detailing every weird and unusual pregnancy symptom and outcome. I’m pretty sure if you googled “green polka dotted rash during pregnancy” there would be a post about some lady somewhere who had a green polka dotted rash during pregnancy and ended up having a healthy pregnancy. But to balance things out, there is probably another lady with green polka dotted rash who went on to have a miscarriage or a baby born with genetic defects. But back to spotting. When you google spotting during early pregnancy you get this, “light bleeding, or spotting during pregnancy is common, especially during the first trimester. Usually this is no cause for alarm.” Okay. So things were probably fine. But the worry wart inside me was not satisfied. I went home that night and took another pregnancy test. This test was a cheaper one which has a control line, and a second line that pops up if you are pregnant. Mine had a second line, but it was faint compared to the control line. The doubts began to set in. Shouldn’t my line be darker at this stage of pregnancy? But I did take it at night after chugging water all day at work, so maybe my sample was more diluted. Okay. It’s probably fine. The cramping continued that day as well. Not ready to tell Tony until I feel more sure that I’m pregnant. Saturday, January 30th, I woke up early to take another test as it is recommended to take it first thing in the morning. My result was another faint line next to the control line. Now I was just frustrated. Pregnant or not? So I left my sleeping husband to make a Walgreens run and bought two more digital tests. I chugged a glass of water and sat in the living room, waiting for the urge to pee again. I prayed, did my daily devotional and had a moment where I prayed for “God’s will be done.” I took another test, and sat in the living room while I waited the two minutes. This one read “pregnant.” Okay. It’s official- time to tell Tony! I was beyond thrilled.
I got this energy surge to clean the entire house, and make breakfast for Tony before he woke up. In our three year of marriage, one of the things we have learned about each other is that you don’t have important life conversations on an empty stomach. Tony came downstairs and we ate breakfast while we watched an episode of “Friends” on Netflix. When breakfast was done, I told him I needed five minutes of his time before he began working. I got out our cutting board, opened a tiny bag of chips and poured them out onto the board. I had made a sign that said “Hey diddle diddle, solve me this riddle,” and placed it in front of him. He looked confused and I told him to play along. It took him barely any time at all to say “chips board” out loud before he said “chips on board” and my face lit up.
He said it again and again and then I saw his face light up with the realization. I then handed him a box in which I had taped the “YES” and “pregnant” inside. He opened it and started crying. He hugged me close and said that he was so happy. And I was too. In that moment I was fully present, and stopped for a moment to realize how blessed we were. We celebrated that night at dinner and I realized how extensive the list of foods that aren’t safe for pregnancy was. I noticed that I had an aversion to a fishy smell from the next table over and was happy that I had that pregnancy symptom. Despite the spotting, I had such hope that everything would be okay. How amazing that we tried for only a few months and got our BFP? Blessed didn’t even begin to cover it!
